The holidays are approaching and with them brings a whole new set of feelings and insanity :)
I am overwhelmingly excited for Kiera's First Thanksgiving and Christmas...I'm excited for new traditions to begin (even though she won't remember them this year), waking up with her on Christmas morning (the two we will have) and seeing her rip through wrapping paper (but not really understanding what it is that she's doing).
However, with the holidays brings sadness about what my mom is missing...especially this year. I know that she would LOVE nothing more than to be here with us and see all the firsts that Kiera is experiencing.
Sometimes when I'm sad about my mom I think, "Why are you still sad?? You're someones mom now" but it doesn't work. I feel like I'm redundant when I think about her and write about her and speak about her...how many ways can you say that you're sad and that you miss someone before people start to not care...and believe you me, people start to not care. Some of my friends who have lost their moms recently, like within the past fives years, have said that people have started to forget because their lives can go on...and I say, "wait until you're at 12 years and counting!"
I just honestly would have LOVED to have seen her with my kids. There's this love that I see gushing out of my Dad and Sean's Mom that I can't even explain and for my Mom, that would have been her #1 happiest moment to see Kiera grow and experience life like they're able to do.
Anyway, enough mumbling for today...Things that I'm Thankful for this year...
I'm thankful for my beautiful and healthy new family of three (or 7 including our many four legged friends)
I'm thankful for our home
I'm thankful for the couple of dollars we have that get us by on a daily basis
I'm thankful for having a job and getting paid for doing something that I love
I'm thankful for my gorgeous, caring, and overly supportive friends
I'm thankful for Nicole, Nanny and the Hices for taking such amazing care of our peanut when I can't be with her
Finally...I'm thankful that gas prices are down to $1.83 so I can get back and forth to work without crying on a daily basis!!
Melissa
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Let me just start by saying that I was sobbing as I read your post and I am still crying as I write this comment.. I understand how you feel about being redundant and it seems as though you are saying the same things about how you miss her or are sad...people who haven't experienced it just dont get it...sadly for them they will eventually. No amount of time will change how you feel....don't feel guilty about it...and know that the friends you have who are TRUE friends will always be there to listen even if they have heard it a million times.
Watching what you are going through this holiday season with Kiera makes me both happy and sad. I am so glad that you are starting your "new life" but it pains me that I see all of my own fears and sadness through you....I'm sorry for that. My only memory that I will have that is the closeset to seeing my mother with her "grandchildren" is the time or two she met Emma. Even though she was so sick and out of it she still managed to be cute and play and make Emma laugh. I treasure that memory. It almost hurts more that I have it than if I hadnt had it at all because it is such a vivid picture of all that Mom and I dont get to experience. Like a big fat tease. Just take lots of pictures to share with me.....
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