emotions

Today I had surgery.......this is a surgery I have had a million times before but for some reason I was an absolute mess about it. Every time I thought about it i burst into tears......I got no sleep the night before because I was thinking about it.

I wasn't sure if I was just nervous because I know the risks and the level of pain/discomfort but then I got into the hospital and my nurse was obviously new and she sucked at giving IV's so I cried then (making her feel bad) and when I got into the "holding area" I was crying again...the nurses and my anesthesiologist was super nice so that made it harder to hold back. So after all that I realized I was upset because all of these surgeries in the past my mom has been there to care for me and keep me company when we were home. Scott was there, don't get me wrong, and he was great but I still wanted my mother. This is a surgery I had always as a child so being an adult and doing it without her I guess really bothered me. I guess at certain times I am still just a 5 year old at heart. To me this just felt like one more life experience she missed. oh well.....what can I do?
Sorry if grammar and punctuation arent great today......I'm still a little foggy.

Hope everyone has a great New Year's Eve. Be safe and celebrate for me since i'm homebound.